Welcome to the New Year!

Tomorrow is a new year! I can only hope to try and put the past behind me but it is so hard when it is apart of my everyday life. I have to try and continue to learn from the past everyday so I don't make the same mistakes again. Things between my husband and I have been getting better and better over the days and weeks. I hope it only continues to go that way! I don't get to spend much time with my son since my back injury has limited me in every aspect of my life. I miss him so much every day and wish that he could spend his weeks with me! His grandmother is great she has been taking care of him since my back has gotten worse.

To be totally honest with myself I am scared of what the New Year brings! I don't need another bad year. I have had many good things happen this year but I have also had a lot of bad things happen also. Sometimes I can't control my thoughts and it get's harder the later at night it gets. I can't sleep well because of my back but i'm afraid that they will only get worse.

I also hope to loose some weight in the new year because I look at myself as disgustingly fat! I need to loose 60 lbs and I would be happy. I doubt that will happen and everyday I see how disgusting I look it makes me even more depressed. I feel like I have nothing left in my life. I don't see how I can make anyone's life any better. I am just a dragging weight and somebody needs to cut the chain.

A little something I wrote! I'm not talented but its just how I feel.

Bad, bad girl

To have these thoughts

You don't think this way

You can't feel this way

Because we say so

Overly dramatic

Your emotions don't exist

Bad, exaggerating girl

Attention seeking, lying

Because we say so

Waste of everything

Weak, stupid, unwanted

You want someone to care?

Bad, selfish girl

That kind of friendship

Only exists is stories

No one is here for you

No one care for you

Bad, bad girl

Self-fulfilling prophecy

You can't win either way

We hate you

No matter what you do

We tear you down

Without a second thought

Without any regret

And it's your fault

Bad, bad girl

Feel the way we think you should

Take control of yourself

You're a stupid girl

For feeling the way you do

Lazy, pessimistic, your fault

You do this to yourself

Just ignore yourself

Feel the way we tell you to

Be the way we judge you to be

No matter what you do

You will always be a

Bad, bad girl

No one can care about a

Bad, bad girl