Missing someone just don't know who!

O.k...it's almost 2:30 am and I am still up! That has become the usual for me now a days and I can't shake this feeling that I am missing someone horribly bad but I don't know who it is. The feeling won't go away and I can't get it to stop. It's starting to really get me down. It's hard to explain but it's just like a part of me is gone and I can't get it back. Is it punishment for something I have done in my past?

I just can't get past this feeling. I know that lately I have been pushing people away! I hate when I do that but I fell I have to, to protect myself from getting hurt. Sometimes I become to reliant on people and when I do that I become devastated when I don't hear from them in awhile or they are busy or even on vacation! It's horrible and I can't be like that anymore. It's like loosing your leg but you get that feeling it's still there and then you look down and it's not!

I try to remember that people love me and care for me it still doesn't help the situation any, because they are not here and they can't help me figure out why I feel like something is missing. Heck maybe I lost my marbles and just noticed there are gone! (poor attempt at humor) It's just a weird feeling that is keeping me awake and depressed. Like I need more of that. I have enough going on in my life right now and I don't need more.

I have to quit school and get a job because we can't afford where we are living right now. I don't even know what kind of job I can get because of my back. I can't lift anything over 5lbs. I have no clue but hopefully something will come up if not I will suck it up and deal with the pain! Why does it always have to be complicated for me. I just need a break in life and I can't ever seem to get one! I need a new bed, can't afford one. The one I have is killing my back and making it worse but I have to suck it up and deal with it. Those are just a few of my issues. I can never catch a break and that's why I don't want to get to close to people and if I do I have to push them away because I don't want them to have things start to happen to them like it does to me! Well....I'ts time that I get some sleep!